* A first standard teacher was having trouble with one of her students. >The teacher asked,"Harry what is your problem?" >Harry answered, >"I'm too smart for the first standard. My sister is in the third standard >and I'm smarter than she is! I think I should be in the third standard >too!" >The teacher had had enough. She took Harry to the principal's office. >While Harry waited in the outer office, the teacher explained to >the principal what the situation was. The principal told the teacher >he would give the boy a test and if he failed to answer any of his >questions he was to go back to the first standard and behave. >The teacher agreed. Harry was brought in and the conditions >were explained to him and he agrees to take the test. > Principal: "What is 3 x 3?" > Harry: "9". > Principal: "What is 6 x 6?" > Harry: "36". >And so it went with every question the ! ! principal thought a third >standard >should know. >The principal looks at the teacher and tells her, "I think >Harry can go to the third standard." >The teacher says to the principal, "Let me ask him some questions?" >The principal and Harry both agree. > >The teacher asks, >"What does a cow have four of that I have only two of?" >Harry, after a moment, "Legs." > >Teacher: "What is in your pants that you have but I do not have?" >The principal wondered, why does she ask such a question! >Harry replied, "Pockets." > >Now no reactions or special face symbols on Harry's face. He was >so cool! > >Teacher: "What does a dog do that a man steps into?" Harry: "Pants" > >Teacher: What's starts with a C and ends with a T, is hairy, >oval,delicious and contains thin whitish liquid ? >Harry: Coconut > >The principal's eyes open really wide and before he could stop the! ! >answer, Harry was taking charge. > >Teacher: What goes in hard and pink then comes out soft and sticky? >Harry: Bubblegum > >Teacher: What does a man do standing up, a woman do sitting down >and a dog do on three legs? >Harry: Shake hands > >Teacher: What is that a woman has two and a cow has four ? >The principal's eyes open really wide and before he could stop the >answer, >Harry: legs > >The Principal said to stop this session, but the teacher continued. > >Teacher: Now I will ask some "Who am I" sort of questions, answer me. >Harry: Yep. > >Teacher: You stick your poles inside me. You tie me down to get me up. >I get wet before you do. >Harry: tent > >Teacher: A finger goes in me. You fiddle with me when you're bored. >The best man always has me first. >Principal was looking restless and bit tensed. >Harry: wedding ring > >Teacher: I ! ! come in many sizes. When I'm not well, I drip. When you >blow me,you feel good. >Harry: nose >Guys ,please take things in the right sense like harry and ME. > >Teacher: I have a stiff shaft. My tip penetrates. I come with a quiver. >Harry: arrow > >Teacher: What word starts with an 'F' and ends in 'K' that means a lot >of excitement? >Harry: "Firetruck" > >The principal breathed a sigh of relief and told the teacher, >"Put Harry in the fifth standard, I missed the last ten questions myself."
* Quick Wit:
A linguistics professor was lecturing to his class one day. "In
English," he said, "A double negative forms a positive.
In some languages, though, such as Russian, a double negative is
still a negative.
However, there is no language wherein a double positive can form a negative."
A voice from the back of the room piped up..."Yeah, right."
* TEACHER: Cindy, why are you doing your Maths sums on the floor?
CINDY: You told me to do it without using tables!
* TEACHER: George can you count up to 5?
George count up to 5 slowly using his Fingers.
TEACHER: Good, now can you count any higher?
George put up his hand and count to five again using his fingers.
* TEACHER: John, how do you spell "crocodile"?
JOHN: "K-R-O-K-O-D-A-I-L"
TEACHER: No, that's wrong
JOHN: Maybe it's wrong, but you ask me how I spell it!
* TEACHER: What is the chemical formula forwater?
SARAH: "HIJKLMNO"!!
TEACHER: What are you talking about?
SARAH: Yesterday you said it's H to O!
* TEACHER: George, go to the map and find North America.
GEORGE: Here it is!
TEACHER: Correct. Now, class, who discovered America?
CLASS: George!
* TEACHER: Willy, name one important thing we have today that we
didn't have ten years ago.
WILLY: Me!
* TEACHER: Tommy, why do you always get so dirty?
TOMMY: Well, I'm a lot closer to the ground then you are.
* TEACHER: Why are you late?
WEBSTER: Because of the sign.
TEACHER: What sign?
WEBSTER: The one that says, "School Ahead, Go Slow."
* SILVIA: Dad, can you write in the dark?
FATHER: I think so. What do you want me to write?
SYLVIA: Your name on this report card.
* TEACHER: In this box, I have a 10-foot snake.
SAMMY: You can't fool me, Teacher... snakes don't have feet.
* TEACHER: How can you prevent diseases caused by biting insects?
JOSE: Don't bite any.
* TEACHER: Ellen, give me a sentence starting with "I".
ELLEN: I is...
TEACHER: No, Ellen. Always say, "I am."
ELLEN: All right... "I am the ninth letter of the alphabet."
* MOTHER: Why on earth did you swallow the money I gave you?
JUNIOR: You said it was my lunch money.
* TEACHER: If I had seven oranges in one hand and eight oranges
in the other, what would I have?
CLASS COMEDIAN: Big hands
* Brought it on Yourself...
"If there are any idiots in the room, will they please stand up?"
said the sarcastic teacher. After a long silence, one freshman rose
to his feet.
"Now then mister, why do you consider yourself an idiot?" inquired
the teacher with a sneer.
"Well, actually I don't," said the student, "but I hate to see you
standing up there all by yourself."
sent by aziza
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