Paddy was driving down the street in a sweat because he had an important meeting and couldn't find a parking place.

Looking up to heaven he said, "Lord take pity on me. If you find me a parking place I will go to Mass every Sunday for the rest of me life and give up alcohol too!"

Miraculously, a parking place appeared.
Paddy looked up again and said, "Never mind, I found one".


LOL!

NP

Life and Computers:
1. 5 minutes ago you were traveling to office at 80 mph. in your brand new car. Now you are traveling to hospital at double the speed in an ambulance, you wish there was 'undo (ctrl + Z)' in life!

2. You are already late, and your key is missing, you wish there was 'find tool (ctrl+F)' in life!

3. You are a bankrupt, after investing in some weird business, you wish there was 'rebuild all' in life!

4. The train is so crowded that you cannot get anywhere near that nice girl at the other end, You wish there was 'zoom & view full screen' in life!

5. After marriage you realize that there is bound to be a mismatch, you wish there was an valuation period' or at least a 'sample download' or a 'demo version'!

6. One day you realize that you are turning bald, you wish there was 'cut and paste (ctrl + X)/(ctrl + C)' in life!

And the best one is ..........

7. The best part of the keyboard is U & I are together which is not always there in life......

LOL

^ yes...that a nice collection....infact the last one that is
"7. The best part of the keyboard is U & I are together which is not always there in life..." is the ultimate...

Right to Left:
A disappointed salesman of Coca Cola returns from his Middle East assignment.

A friend asked, "Why weren't you successful with the Arabs?"

The salesman explained, "When I got posted in the Middle East, I was very confident that I will makes a good sales pitch as Cola is virtually unknown there. But, I had a problem I didn't know to speak Arabic. So, I planned to convey the message through 3 posters...

First poster, a man crawling through the hot desert sand... Totally exhausted and panting. Second poster, the man is drinking our Cola and Third, our man is now totally refreshed. Then these posters were pasted all over the place"

"That should have worked," said the friend.
The salesman replied, "Well, not only did I not speak Arabic, I also didn't realise that Arabs Read from Right to Left..."

Right to Left:
A disappointed salesman of Coca Cola returns from his Middle East assignment.

A friend asked, "Why weren't you successful with the Arabs?"

The salesman explained, "When I got posted in the Middle East, I was very confident that I will makes a good sales pitch as Cola is virtually unknown there.  But, I had a problem I didn't know to speak Arabic. So, I planned to convey the message through 3 posters...

First poster, a man crawling through the hot desert sand... Totally exhausted and panting. Second poster, the man is drinking our Cola and Third, our man is now totally refreshed. Then these posters were pasted all over the place"

"That should have worked," said the friend.
The salesman replied, "Well, not only did I not speak Arabic, I also didn't realise that Arabs Read from Right to Left..."

This one is so funny

Teacher: Your spelling is much better Ronald. Only five mistakes that time.
Student: Thank you Miss Smith.
Teacher: Now let's go on to the next word.

Teacher: How do you spell Mississippi?
Student: The river or the state Miss?

Teacher: If "can't" is short for "cannot," what is "don't" short for?
Student: Doughnut.

Teacher: Are you good in math?
Student: Yes and no.
Teacher: What does that mean?
Student: Yes, I'm no good in math.

Teacher: Alfred, how can one person make so many stupid mistakes in one day?
Student: I get up early.

Student: Teacher, would you punish me for something I didn't do?
Teacher: Of course not!
Student: Good, because I didn't do my homework.

Teacher: Seymour, you copied from Susan's test didn't you?
Student: How did you find out?
Teacher: Susan's test answer says, "I don't know," and yours says, "Me neither."

Teacher: How old were you on your last birthday?
Student: Seven.
Teacher: How old will you be on your next birthday?
Student: Nine.
Teacher: That's impossible.
Student: No, it isn't, Teacher. I'm eight today.

Teacher: George, go to the map and find North America.
George: Here it is!
Teacher: Correct. Now, class, who discovered America?
Class: George!

Teacher: Willy, name one important thing we have today that we didn't have ten years ago.
Willy: Me!

Substitute Teacher: Are you chewing gum?
Billy: No, I'm Billy Anderson.

Teacher: Didn't you promise to behave?
Student: Yes, Sir.
Teacher: And didn't I promise to punish you if you didn't?
Student: Yes, Sir, but since I broke my promise, I don't expect you to keep yours.

Teacher: Tommy, why do you always get so dirty?
Tommy: Well, I'm a lot closer to the ground then you are.

Teacher: Why are you late?
Webster: Because of the sign.
Teacher: What sign?
Webster: The one that says, "School Ahead, Go Slow."

Teacher: I hope I didn't see you looking at Don's paper.
John: I hope you didn't either.

Student: I don't think I deserve a zero on this test.
Teacher: I agree, but it's the lowest mark I can give you.

Teacher: Well, at least there's one thing I can say about your son.
Father: What's that?
Teacher: With grades like these, he couldn't be cheating.

Teacher: In this box, I have a 10-foot snake.
Student: You can't fool me, Teacher... snakes don't have feet.

Teacher: How can you prevent diseases caused by biting insects?
Student: Don't bite any.

Teacher: Ellen, give me a sentence starting with "I".
Ellen: I is...
Teacher: No, Ellen. Always say, "I am."
Ellen: All right... "I am the ninth letter of the alphabet."

Teacher: If you received $10 from 10 people, what would you get?
Student: A new bike.

Teacher: If you had one dollar and you asked your father for another, how many dollars would you have?
Student: One dollar.

Teacher: If I had seven oranges in one hand and eight oranges in the other, what would I have?
Class Clown: Big hands!