LOL They were great

^ *flowers*

Here one more from my collection:
*Phone rings*
Husband: If it's for me say..whoever it is say "He is not home".
Wife picks up the phone as says: "He is home!"
Husband: But, I told you to say i was not at home!
Wife: The call was for me!

Little Johnny's father said, "let me see your report card."
Johnny replied, "I don't have it."
"Why not?" His father asked.
"My friend just borrowed it. He wants to scare his parents."

~~~~~

Little Johnny came running into the house and asked, "Mommy, can little girls have babies?"
"No," said his mom, "of course not."
Little Johnny then ran back outside and his mom heard him yell to his friends, "It's okay, we can play that game again!"

~~~~~

Teachers never give up, and neither does Little Johnny. She asks him, "Can you name the Great Lakes?"
You know Johnny, he is always fast with an answer, and he pipes up with, "I don't need to. They've already been named."

~~~~~

The pastor was talking to a group of young children about being good and going to heaven. At the end of his talk, he asked, "Where do you want to go?"
"Heaven!" Suzy cried out.
"And what do you have to be to get there?" asked the preacher.
"Six feet under!", yelled Little Johnny.

On the last day of kindergarten, all the children brought presents for their teacher. The florist's son handed the teacher a gift. She shook it, held it up and said, "I bet I know what it is - it's some flowers!"
"That's right!" shouted the little boy.
Then the candy store owner's daughter handed the teacher a gift. She held it up, shook it and said. "I bet I know what it is - it's a box of candy!"
"That's right!" shouted the little girl.
The next gift was from the liquor store owner's son, Little Johnny. The teacher held it up and saw that it was leaking. She touched a drop with her finger and tasted it. "Is it wine?" she asked.
"No," Little Johnny answered.
The teacher touched another drop to her tongue. "Is it champagne?" she asked.
"No," he answered.
Finally, the teacher said, "I give up. What is it?"
Little Johnny replied, "A puppy!"

lol...cool!

Teacher: "Can anybody give an example of COINCIDENCE?"
Johnny : "Sir, my Mother and Father got married on the
Same day same time.
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Teacher: "George Washington not only chopped down his
father's Cherry tree, but also admitted doing it. Now do you know
why his father didn't punish him?"
Johnny : "Because George still had the axe in his hand."
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Son : Daddy, have you ever been to Egypt?
Father : No. Why do you ask that?
Son : Well, where did you get THIS mummy then?
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Teacher : What a pair of strange socks you are wearing, one
is green and one is blue with red spots!
Kirk : Yes it's really strange. I've got another pair of the same
at home.
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At a church school gathering, one little old lady approached
a cute 5-year-old girl and asked her where she got her good looks.
"I musta got 'em from my Daddy," said the little girl, "'cause
Mommy's still got hers."
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Teacher: Now, children, if I saw a man beating a donkey and
stopped him, what virtue would I be showing?
Student: Brotherly love.
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Teacher: Now, Sam, tell me frankly do you say prayers before
eating?
Sam : No sir, I don't have to, my mom is a good cook.RE>
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Teacher: Desmond, your composition on "My Dog" is exactly the same
as your brother's. Did u copy his?
Desmond: No, teacher, it's the same dog!
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Teacher: What do you call a person who keeps on talking when
people are no longer interested?
Pupil : A teacher.

Quips & quotes
Q: How many letters are there in the alphabet?

A: Twenty-four, because E.T. went home.


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Q: What do you call Santa's Helpers?

A: Subordinate clauses!


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Q: What does Santa call his wife at tax time?

A: A dependent Claus.

^ OMG....i love those teacher and student jokes! ...LOL!
i am laughing holding my tummy! LOL!