Trouble with my hard drive - can you help?

Dear Technical Support,

18 months ago, I upgraded to Girlfriend 1.0 from Drinking Mates 4.2, which I had used for years without any trouble. However, there are apparently conflicts between these two products, and the only solution was to try and run Girlfriend 1.0 with the sound turned off. To make matters worse, Girlfriend 1.0 is incompatible with several other applications, such as Lads Night Out 3.1, Football 3pm, and Playboy 6.9.

Successive versions of Girlfriend proved no better. A shareware program, Party Girl 2.1, which I tried, had many bugs and left a virus in my system, forcing me to shut down completely for several weeks. Eventually, I tried to run Girlfriend 1.2 and Girlfriend 1.0 at the same time, only to discover that when these two systems detected each other, they caused severe damage to my hardware.

I then upgraded to Fiancée 1.0, only to discover that this product soon had to be upgraded further to Wife 1.0. While Wife 1.0 tends to use up all my available resources, it does come bundled with FreeSex Plus and Cleanhouse 2003.

Shortly after this upgrade, however, I found that Wife 1.0 can be very unstable and costly to run. Any mistakes I made were automatically stored in Wife 1.0's memory and could not be deleted. They then resurfaced months later when I had forgotten about them.

Wife 1.0 also has an automatic Diary, Explorer and E-mail Filter, and can, without warning, launch TurboStrop and WhingeExcel. These latter products have no Help files, and I have to try to guess what the problem is.

Additional problems are that Wife 1.0 needs updating regularly, requiring ShoeShop Browser for new attachments and Hairstyle Express which needs to be reinstalled every other week.

Wife 1.0 also spawns unwelcome child processes that drain my resources. These conflict with some of the new games I wanted to try out, warning me that they are an illegal operation. Also, when Wife 1.0 attaches itself to my Audi TT hard drive, it often crashes. Wife 1.0 also comes with a rather annoying pop-up called Mother-In-Law, which can't be turned off.

Recently I've been tempted to install Mistress 2003, but there could be problems. A friend of mine has alerted me to the fact that if Wife 1.0 detects Mistress 2003, it tends to delete all of your Money files before uninstalling itself.

Any help on this matter would be most gratefully received.

Inland Revenue

A bright, young, fresh-out-of-school auditor just joined the Inland Revenue, keen to begin tracking down high-powered offenders. Anxious for his first high-powered audit, he was a bit dismayed when his assignment was to audit a Rabbi. Looking over the books and taxes was pretty straight forward, and the Rabbi clearly very frugal, so he thought he'd make his day interesting by having a little fun with the Rabbi.

"Rabbi," he said, "I noticed that you buy a lot of candles."
"Yes," answered the Rabbi.
"Well, Rabbi, what do you do with the candle drippings?" he asked.
"A good question," noted the Rabbi. "We actually save them up and when we have enough, we send them back to the candle maker. And every now and then, they send us a free box of candles."

"Oh," replied the auditor somewhat disappointed that his unusual question actually had a practical answer. So he thought he'd go on, in his obnoxious way...
"Rabbi, what about all these matzo purchases? What do you do with the crumbs from the matzo?"
"Ah, yes," replied the Rabbi calmly, "we actually collect up all the crumbs from the matzo and when we have enough, we send them in a box back to the manufacturer and every now and then, they send a box of matzo balls."

"Oh," replied the auditor, thinking hard how to fluster the Rabbi.
"Well, Rabbi," he went on, "what do you do with all the foreskins from the circumcisions?"
"Yes, here too, we do not waste," answered the Rabbi. "What we do is save up all the foreskins, and when we have enough we actually send them to the Inland Revenue"
"The Inland Revenue?," questioned the auditor in disbelief.
"Ahh, yes," replied the Rabbi, "the Inland Revenue. ...and about once a year, they send us a little prick like you."

My friends , pls share urs too .. Cap_PDT_01_32

Satire is a wonderful medium. It is a way to have fun with the famous people of the day. Every once in a while a clown comes into the spotlight that needs no satire, no spoof or intentional ridicule. We, in the world of satire, have been handed a huge gift in the President of the United States, George W. Bush.

Is Bush stupid? You bet he is. He is dumber than an old dead tree stump. If you ever get the chance to really listen to him speak, you'll soon understand that Bush is nearly illiterate. He even has trouble keeping his thoughts together in a coherent manner.

This is not satire. While this is a satire medium, I wanted to show that Bush needs no help in spoofing himself. The following are actual quotes from the most powerful man in the free world. Please, read these and then tell me that the previous sentence isn't truely scary.





"I am mindful not only of preserving executive powers for myself, but for predecessors as well." -George W. Bush, Washington, D.C., Jan. 29, 2001

"The California crunch really is the result of not enough power-generating plants and then not enough power to power the power of generating plants." -George W. Bush, Jan. 2001

"I've coined new words, like, misunderstanding and Hispanically." -George W. Bush, speaking at the Radio & Television Correspondents dinner, March 29, 2001

"I'm hopeful. I know there is a lot of ambition in Washington, obviously. But I hope the ambitious realize that they are more likely to succeed with success as opposed to failure." -George W. Bush, Jan. 2001

"Then I went for a run with the other dog and just walked. And I started thinking about a lot of things. I was able to - I can't remember what it was. Oh, the inaugural speech, started thinking through that." -George W. Bush, in a pre-inaugural interview with U.S. News & World Report.

Nope, Bush needs no satire writers to make him look stupid. But his ignorance sure does make him an easy target for us.

- John?
- Yes, sir.
- Does the lemon have quills?
- No, sir.
- Damn... again I scrounged the parrot in the tea!!!!

One cowboy was staying to a bar, silent and calm drinking his beer, when suddenly a guy came in and was screaming "Hey...you, go outside because someone is taking your horse (knight)!!!...The cowboy goes out, sees that his horse is still in the place where he left it and when he comes back in the bar shoots the one that screamed.
Nervous and worried the barman said: "Hey guys...finish over that game at chees, if not this man will shoot as all".

A duck walked into a bakery one day and asked for a pork chop. The baker said, "We aren't a butcher; we don't sell meat here. "So the duck left. The following day the duck went back and asked again. This time the Baker said, "No, if you come here again I will nail your feetto the floor." The following day the duck returned and asked, "Have you any nails?" The baker replied, "No." And the duck said, "Well, I'll have two pork chops then."

"911, what is your emergency?"
"Osifer, I've been robbed!"
"Can you be more specific sir?"
"Osifer, someone stole my steering wheel, my gas pedal and my brake pedal."
"Could you please repeat that sir?" By now there's a crowd gathering around the dispatcher's chair.
"Yes, shur. Someone stole my gas pedal, my brake pedal and my steering wheel."
"Sir, what is your location?"
"I'm in my car."
"Sir, could you explain to me exactly where your car is located?"
"Yes, shur. I'm on Baker Street. Uh, 488 Baker!"
"Alright, sir, we'll send officers out to investigate it. Try to stay calm."
The phone call ends at this point but not five minutes later another call comes in.
"911, what is your emergency?"
"Osifer?"
"Yes, what is your emergency please?"
"Osifer, this is me . I just found my steering wheel, my gas pedal and my brake pedal."
"Okay, sir. Are you still needing assistance?"
"No, shur, I was just in the back seat."