* Accept that some days you're the pigeon, and some days you're the statue.
* Always keep your words soft and sweet, just in case you have to eat them.
* Always read stuff that will make you look good if you die in the middle of it.
* Drive carefully. It's not only cars that can be recalled by their maker.
* Eat a live toad in the morning and nothing worse will happen to you for the rest of the day.
* If you can't be kind, at least have the decency to be vague.
* If you lend someone $20, and never see that person again, it was probably worth it.
* It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others.
* Never buy a car you can't push.
* Never put both feet in your mouth at the same time, because then you don't have a leg to stand on.
* Nobody cares if you can't dance well. Just get up and dance.
* The early worm gets eaten by the bird, so sleep late.
* When everything's coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.
* Birthdays are good for you; the more you have, the longer you live.
* Ever notice that the people who are late are often much jollier than the people who have to wait for them?
* If ignorance is bliss, why aren't more people happy?
* You may be only one person in the world, but you may also be the world to one person.
* Some mistakes are too much fun to only make once.
* Don't cry because it's over; smile because it happened.
* We could learn a lot from crayons: some are sharp, some are pretty, some are dull, some have weird names, and all are different colors; but they all have to learn to live in the same box.
* A truly happy person is one who can enjoy the scenery on a detour.
* Happiness comes through doors you didn't even know you left open.
* Have an awesome day, and know that someone has thought about you today...